Airing Out...

I promise I could not make up the events my little family has powered through since late November. You all know of the losses we have had in a very short amount of time. It hasn't all ended there. We just keep rolling with more "punches" each month. The stress and lack of sleep has caught up with all of us I think. The kids have had upper respiratory infections, stomach bugs, pink eye and ear infections! Pat and I have had head-colds and sore throats off and on for 2 weeks now. March arrived with lots of snow...when all we wanted was some sun and warmth! The kids were sort of off schedule because Pat and I had to leave them while we went to Texas to work on Dad's estate. We are still recovering from IT ALL. Did I mention that Pat had a HUGE project at work fall into place (after years of hard work) in the middle of all of this? Which is a very positive thing, but of course means adjustment for everyone. So today I have made a decision for the mental and physical health of my family, we are slowing down as much as possible.
We need a serious breather and respite from all this stress and illness. I am exhausted. We ALL are.

The last few days have been warm and sunny. The snow has all melted and I feel my shoulders relax a little. I know more sunny days will come, I know we will be outdoors playing, I know we will be able to open up windows and let the fresh air in. I know all this is true, but lately all of that feels further and further from our grasp, physically and emotionally. Life is taking a toll and I need to make room, take time, heal & rest.

Here's to better days...days of calm, days of slow.

120 Days

It has been just about 4 months...
I miss him terribly, I need him...
I cannot accept that he isn't here, I cannot accept that I can't call him when I want, just to say I love you and hear his voice...
it is so HARD and I am so TIRED.
I am tired of crying, but the tears won't stop...the pain won't go away...the anger will not let-up.
I am trying...trying to let go.
I hope it comes soon...for all of us.
My poor kids and husband, they still hurt too.
It is so hard to explain to them. They see me hurting and I think it hurts them as much as it hurts me to see them hurting.
I never could have imagined or prepared myself for this big of a loss.
I still have faith, still believe...that it's gonna get better.
I guess we all need more TIME.

Winter Sounds...in March

If you listen closely you can hear them,

falling flakes

whipping winds
singing chimes
crunch of snow underfoot-

if this were December I would think it was "oh so lovely",
but it is mid-march for crying out loud...and I admit I am aching for spring!!
The kids are too!! Spring Break is only a few days away...come on Mother Nature, help us out here!

UGH...
this just plain sucks...the kids aren't even interested in going out to play in it anymore. There is no school today and we are at the point where they have to make-up all snow days, so it really drags out things.
I most definitely have the winter blahs...it has been a VERY LONG winter it seems.
Come on Spring...we need you!

Nope!

No Whooping Cough for Lilly or the other kids. Lilly is all better, Mac seemed to "escape" it for the most part and Griff was doing fine until today.
He has all the same symptoms and ailments that Lilly had, so we will treat him with the breathing treatments, eye drops and rest.
I hope we have not passed this crud onto anyone!
We also need some prayers for Papa (Pat's Step-Dad). He has been in the hospital since Wednesday with pneumonia and is also very confused. We are not sure what exactly is causing the memory/confusion/hallucination problems, but they seem to not be going away or improving much at the moment.
Please keep him and Kathy in your prayers. I will post up-dates as we get them.

Breathing Treatments

The breathing treatments are working wonders for Lilly. She is feeling a lot better already!
I am relieved to have found her some comfort from this crud finally. Her pink eye looks a lot better as well.
We have about 5" of snow today, so we are all cozied and snuggled up inside our warm and comfy home. I was a little surprised that school had only a 2 hour delay. I figured they were going to cancel it.
It is still snowing off and on, so it will be interesting to see how much we have later. Crazy weather we have been having around here. It was just a few days ago that we played at the park enjoying a sunny, 65 degree day! It felt like spring.
Ho-Hum!

Whooping Cough?? Pink Eye- Yes!

Poor Lilly Belle is one sick gal right now. She started coughing about a week ago and it really just seemed like a normal cold until yesterday. She started coughing so hard that it was causing her to throw up and it has been just totally relentless. She can hardly catch her breath!
I had been trying everything to try to find her some comfort and nothing has helped much. I think she (and I) had about 3 hours of sleep last night.
I called to excuse her from school this morning and heard that there may be some cases of whooping cough in the works, so I immediately called to get her to the doctor. About an hour before her appointment, her right eye turned all red and she said it was hurting really bad.
It's a good thing we got an appointment today. The doc thinks she may have whooping cough. It takes a few days for the test to come back, so I have to keep her out of school and she will be getting a few breathing treatments a day until her results come back. We got the eye drops for pink eye so that should feel better soon.
All three kids are up-to-date on their pertussis vaccinations, but there is still always a small chance that they can catch it if exposed.
I hope Mac and Griff stay healthy through it all and I really hope she just has a virus type cold, not whooping cough!!
We will keep our fingers crossed.

Stephen Andrew Maxam

Keith and Bevin's new baby boy was delivered by C-Section early Friday morning. He is a preemie and we all knew he was going to be early, so everyone was prepared. Baby Stephen is doing great so far!
He weighs 3 lbs 1 oz and is 16 inches long. Has very long feet and fingers. He was on a ventilator until about 5 pm yesterday afternoon. He had a great night last night. He is on a little oxygen in the nose but only 2% and nurses are ready to start feeding him as soon as the Dr. gives them the order. They say he is HUNGRY. There is a good chance of getting to hold him very, very soon and possible he may be able to come home in about 3-4 weeks. We are all very thankful he is doing so well. Bevin is moving around more each day and will probably be released tomorrow.
Big brother Sam (below) is very excited that his baby brother is here and doing well. I am sure he can't wait to meet him! He will also be very happy to have his Momma home! Sam was a preemie baby as well. He was even smaller than Baby Stephen!

Thanks for all the prayers, God has heard each one of them.
Our Congrats to The Maxam Family and Grandparents, Nonna & Pe-Paw.
Love ya'll and see you in July!

Momma said there'd be days like this!

I may have traumatized Griff this morning.
He has been carrying his blankie with him everywhere and has had the tightest grip on it every second of the day. I am guessing that it's because Pat and I were gone for those 7 days to Texas and he needed it for comfort and security.

Anyhow, I tried to "sneak" it away from him this morning and of course, I failed.
He knew right away it was missing and he also knew that it was in the wash.
It was absolutely filthy and stunk horribly...I could not stand it anymore.
I just decided it HAD to be washed no matter how upset he was going to get.

Poor Guy...
he was beyond upset and ticked! I had to lock him out of the laundry room because he was literally climbing up the front of the washer to get it out!

He laid in front of the door like this for the entire wash cycle/process and drying time.
I could not distract him with anything until about the last 5 minutes!
I may have traumatized all of us!!
He screamed and screamed and screamed at the top of his lungs almost the entire time. He was wore out by the time his blankie was clean and dry!

It may be awhile before I wash it again...LOL.

Got Talent?

Do you think I could get him in the Guineas Book of World Records for being the youngest child to walk in 5" heels while having your blankie in-tow??
Bot bad for a 2 year old-

I guess we will just settle on the fact that it will be a great video to humiliate him with when he's about 16 (:

Fun at the Park

We lucked out with a beautiful Friday and it was a bonus because the kids were out of school!
We decided to spend as much time outside as possible.
The kids jumped on their bikes, Griff happily rode in the stroller and Henry was eager to get out too.
We walked to the dog wash shop and gave Henry a good scrub down and nail trim. We went from there to Joe's Donuts for some delicious junk food and then headed for the park.
We ran all over the park for almost 3 hours!
It was awesome.

Griff refused to let me or his blankie out of sight!
He is a little cross with me for leaving him for 7 days...

...blankie has to go everywhere with him and I can't be too far away!

Love the tire swing!

It's a good thing we took advantage of the sun while we had it.
It's back to gloomy, dark and VERY WET Oregon weather now.
We made up a song this morning-
Rain, Rain Go Away...some where really far away...how about West Texas!?!
LOL...that's for all our family back home.
It's SO DRY THERE!!

Open Wide!

Mac began his first day of big dental work this a.m.
This is the first of three appliances that he will have. Once we get past the appliances, he will be getting braces on.
The whole process, with braces will take about 2.5 years!
This first one will be widening the top of his mouth and prepping for when they bring his bottom jaw forward with appliance # 2.
Poor kid! He has a long road ahead that is full of dental appt's, discomfort and some pain.
It all needs to be done, so we'll just plow thru it like everything else.
If we don't take care of it, he will likely end up with severe TMJ as an adult and need surgery to correct it, which from what I hear, is VERY PAINFUL!
He looks like he has "buck teeth", but he actually doesn't. His front teeth are where they are suppose to be. His bottom jaw never moved forward with the rest of his mouth, so all his bottom teeth are back too far and his bottom jaw never widened.
Anyhow, we will hopefully get it all fixed over the next two years or so.
It's insane how expensive this process is...but,
kids are expensive (:
I embarrassed him because I wanted a picture and after I took it, I said "good thing you don't have any boogers up your nose!"
He didn't think that comment was very funny!

Adios Texas...

It's just about time to head home.
John headed out today and we head out in the morning.
I enjoyed all the time we had with loved one's and friends.
There were moments that were tough/emotional, but every day was a good day.
We accomplished a lot, worked hard and worked together as a team to get things done.
Everyone's love and support has been truly amazing...
the food, as always, has been amazing too.
Pat and I are going home a little "heavier" than we arrived!
I will miss the big west Texas sky and the people here.
We will be back in a few months.
Love to you all.

Dad's Headstone

It's done.

I love it.
A lot of heart went into this project.
It captures our Dad well.
I am beyond relieved that the marker is there for when loved one's and friends visit him. I think everyone will find some comfort in it.

There were a lot of loved one's there to set Dad's stone and our beloved Homer family stone. It's another testament to how much theyare loved and respected. I personally found a lot of comfort in it.

We also set Grandma Jerry and Grandpa Alvin's stone. It was an emotional day, but a good one...a day of a bit of closure...a day of a bit of progress towards healing.

Thank You to everyone that lent a hand of help and a shoulder to lean on.
Much love to you all.

Texan at Heart

We are here...I am here in Dad's home.
It's so quiet.
The wind started blowing a little while ago, so there's a soft howl here and there.
I am doing OK. It's tough.
I keep calm for awhile and then at other times I feel panic set in.
Thank Goodness that Nonna and PePaw are right next door. I can easily flee over to them if the panic becomes too much.
I did go get boxes today.
Will start packing some things up maybe this eve, but definitely tomorrow.
My path feels a little unclear,
I leap forward into the unknown.
I have decided that looking back is not an alternative right now.
So, I am going to stretch my arms way up high, let go of the fear, believe I can, and just leap.
I am braver than I know.
Dad is here with me, I can feel him.
John will be in late tonight.
We will set Dad's headstone on Saturday. It turned out really nice.
I will post pictures of it as soon as it's up.
Love to you all.
Love to my babies...I miss them a lot.