Frustrated with some things....
Why are some things so complicated? I tire of it. Maybe because I am 30 and have been dealing with complications my entire life? I know we all have them, I am not pouting. I am just tired. I may even sound as if I am complaining...do not mean to be- because I know complaining gets you no where...
My Dad called this morning and really doesn't want to fly here. I understand this issue for him. He is paranoid (in my opinion) of flying. He says he just hates it, but I know there is more to it than that. He wants to drive here...drive here in these crazy weather conditions that we are having!! We talked it out and he will be flying....whew, was sweating there for a while. (I do feel some guilt about asking him to fly here. I know he does not like it)
Then, as soon as I re-coop from that phone call...get another. My Mom. I have been trying to reach her for a couple of days with out much luck. I do finally catch up with her this morning and she is sick. To be honest, she is sick most of the time and it WEARS on me, I hate that she NEVER feels good. It makes me sad. Anyhow, I am rambling... she tells me that she is not coming for Christmas. She is going with her boyfriend to his family's Christmas. Why does this bother me?? Well, for starters she didn't come for Thanksgiving. He had an unexpected surgery, so she stayed with him. I do understand her reason for not coming. Pat and I have not met him yet. (I think that bothers me a bit too.) The kids asked where she was on Thanksgiving and I think I may have just not given them an answer.
My mom's reasons for not coming to Christmas are, my Dad will be here and she already told Pat (her boyfriend) that she would go with him. When she told me this, I was surprised by my reaction...I cried and told her it hurts my feelings that she would choose him over us....I am still REALLY surprised by my reaction....
I think I am just mostly tired of always having to stress about my parents being in the same place at the same time. They live 2,000 miles apart and have been divorced since I was six and I STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT! I still HATE IT (just as much as I did as a child) and HATE that I have to try to explain it to my kids. I have always been very careful about what I say to them when it comes to my parents. What am I to say to them when my Mom is not here for Christmas, the biggest holiday of the year? How am I suppose to feel about her spending Christmas with people I don't even know and not with us?? Am I blowing things out of proportion? UGH...I am just tired of stressing about it. I want to enjoy the holidays with my family and friends. We have so many things to be thankful for.
I think I am a bit more emotional this holiday season because it's the first without both Mema and Big John and Grandma Kay (Pat's g-ma) ....I am trying to keep that in mind and not over-react to things.
Maybe I just need some prayers....
I am trying to focus on ALL of the WONDERFUL things I have in my life and how truly blessed I am. Maybe I should not post this, but I am going to because I am struggling with it. I know it will all work itself out...always does.
Hopefully, tomorrow will start out a bit better-
My Dad called this morning and really doesn't want to fly here. I understand this issue for him. He is paranoid (in my opinion) of flying. He says he just hates it, but I know there is more to it than that. He wants to drive here...drive here in these crazy weather conditions that we are having!! We talked it out and he will be flying....whew, was sweating there for a while. (I do feel some guilt about asking him to fly here. I know he does not like it)
Then, as soon as I re-coop from that phone call...get another. My Mom. I have been trying to reach her for a couple of days with out much luck. I do finally catch up with her this morning and she is sick. To be honest, she is sick most of the time and it WEARS on me, I hate that she NEVER feels good. It makes me sad. Anyhow, I am rambling... she tells me that she is not coming for Christmas. She is going with her boyfriend to his family's Christmas. Why does this bother me?? Well, for starters she didn't come for Thanksgiving. He had an unexpected surgery, so she stayed with him. I do understand her reason for not coming. Pat and I have not met him yet. (I think that bothers me a bit too.) The kids asked where she was on Thanksgiving and I think I may have just not given them an answer.
My mom's reasons for not coming to Christmas are, my Dad will be here and she already told Pat (her boyfriend) that she would go with him. When she told me this, I was surprised by my reaction...I cried and told her it hurts my feelings that she would choose him over us....I am still REALLY surprised by my reaction....
I think I am just mostly tired of always having to stress about my parents being in the same place at the same time. They live 2,000 miles apart and have been divorced since I was six and I STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT! I still HATE IT (just as much as I did as a child) and HATE that I have to try to explain it to my kids. I have always been very careful about what I say to them when it comes to my parents. What am I to say to them when my Mom is not here for Christmas, the biggest holiday of the year? How am I suppose to feel about her spending Christmas with people I don't even know and not with us?? Am I blowing things out of proportion? UGH...I am just tired of stressing about it. I want to enjoy the holidays with my family and friends. We have so many things to be thankful for.
I think I am a bit more emotional this holiday season because it's the first without both Mema and Big John and Grandma Kay (Pat's g-ma) ....I am trying to keep that in mind and not over-react to things.
Maybe I just need some prayers....
I am trying to focus on ALL of the WONDERFUL things I have in my life and how truly blessed I am. Maybe I should not post this, but I am going to because I am struggling with it. I know it will all work itself out...always does.
Hopefully, tomorrow will start out a bit better-
posted by Pat and Laura Potter at
10:09 AM
4 Comments:
I am sorry to hear that you have had some stressful communications with your folks. Glad that your dad is still coming out. whew. I know how much you are looking forward to his visit! (driving would be horrible this time of year.) Holidays can be very difficult with family but more so when there are losses to contend with. I can empathize. Just know that Big John and Mema will always be with you, watching over you, and mostly, they will always be a big part of you as they have helped to make you the marvelous person you are. (don't forget that last part.) My own mom may not hae always been the best mom in the world but when my parents moved and grandma passed away, we were alone for Christmas. Those first few yrs were very very hard. But then, we made our own traditions and tried to make the holidays special for our little family. My folks do not want to join us for holidays and birthdays anymore...like we aren't good enough for them, I guess. But, we or rather I, have moved on. They are big people who make their own decisions just like your mom is. Is it really worth the stress? Kick back and enjoy your special little family. and know in your heart and mind that there are individuals out there whose lives you have touched who would give anything to spend time with you because they believe you are worth the time and worth the friendship. They value you for the person you are.
You know that I care and love you very dearly. and I hope all of this was ok to write on your blog.
Thank you Momma B and everyone else that has checked in on me...I am ok. I think maybe I shouldn't use the blog to "vent". It worry's everyone. I am truly ok, just get frustrated sometimes. I GREATLY appreciate all of you that do care how I feel about things and offer me advice. It is more appreciated than you will ever know- I feel better about things this afternoon. As a friend just left me a message saying "God will not give you more than you can handle" I take comfort in it and know that "It is was It is" and all will work itself out.
Much Love-
Laura
I totally can empathize with your feelings. It is so tough when we want to have things perfect for our kids and it just doesn't seem like it will work out that way. Thanksgiving at my house was like that. I am really struggling now with totally calling off all holidays/celebrations here and just taking them all to Pecos! At least there I feel like everyone will behave themselves and make the best of the days together.
It will be tough Christmas for all of you guys without Mema and Big John. They were truly special people. But you know that nothing can remove their mark on your or the family you have made.
And sometimes I think these blogs can be a good place to vent. At least you know everyone still loves you. I am sure that Uncle Jerry will be fine once he gets there with the kids and you and Pat. Is John Allen going your way too? Sounds like lots of fun. I can't believe Christmas is so close already!
Thanks for all of your supporting comments. I feel a lot better today about things...
My brother is off to Switzerland for the Holidays to be with Nora. He leaves this coming Saturday. I think they will be in Rome over Christmas!! How exciting!
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