sTePs...

I know my updates have been lacking a bit lately. True, I have been insanely busy and it has been pretty darn difficult to find time (unless it's 1:30 a.m. like now) to sit down and blog the last few weeks. We have been making the most of our summer days and trying to simply stay connected as a family with all the fun and craziness going on. Football has started full swing and we are looking forward to a great year, but the league has some pretty major finance issues that have recently turned up. I will elaborate more on this at a later time. I am Parent/Team Mom Coordinator this year and also a member on the SYF Board. It's a big time commitment, but I will enjoy most of it...hopefully. I am also Vice President on OTPA's Parent Club (kids' school) and we have a big school year ahead of us! Lilly will start gymnastics and basketball soon, Pat is still putting in long hours at work and even traveling away for shows to get his "big project" up and going at work. I will be blogging about that too very soon...it's extremely exciting news!

Yes, we are indeed busy. I could use them all as excuses...but truly...I still am struggling with the loss of my Dad. I know it will always be hard and that some of the hurt and sadness will always be there. I get that...and I accept it. I just loathe the days where it's one step forward and two big steps back. It gets frustrating at times. Sometimes I wish that I had a handbook;

Step 1.
Step 2.
Step 3.

If only life were so clearly marked...

 A handbook for life with directions easily marked and understood in steps. What heartache and disappointments could have been averted? How about a handbook for Motherhood and Parenting? Now THAT is a handbook I would pay good money for!  Am I right?  But alas it is just not that easy, or clear… ever.

Instead we are left to fumble through, learn as we go, improvise, make things up, make mistakes, learn from them if we are lucky, and keep on going. One day at a time. One step at a time.  Even if those steps are the literal kind,  one foot in front of the other, repeat.
If we are lucky we have friends and family to help us along the way,  with guidance and love and understanding. Through shared stories and experience.  A tribe.  And we DO get through,  we DO figure it out, piece by piece, step by step, we write our own handbook even when we aren’t realizing it. Even when we think we can’t. We are creative, persistent, resilient, curious beings.  Just think of the beauty we would miss if it were all so clear... True life might be “cleaner” and easier with a clearly written handbook,  but some days the best parts are the messy ones.  Someone once told me that we would never know great joy if we didn’t occasionally suffer great loss. I know this a true statement...but some losses are just un-thinkable, un-believable and just plain un-justified in my opinion. (I am not just thinking of my Dad on this one)

I know it will get easier...I will continue to begin and begin again, we all will
one step at a time.

His birthday hit me like a brick...it hit us all hard. The kids wanted to know if they have big birthday parties in Heaven...of course they do, I told them. The one year date of when he arrived here last year, not knowing it would be his last, is right around the corner...I know Mac will be looking for him up in the football stands at each game...Lilly will be wishing he was taking her to basketball practice and that she was curled up with him in the evenings of the cool fall days... we will all be missing his loud booming laugh that filled our home...

 And so today is a new day.  A day to begin again.

I will try to remind us all of this.

Love to ya all and thanks for reading (0: