One Year Later...
Well, it is one year today that Big John passed away. I remember wanting this day to come thinking that with time passed, I would have some closure and handle his passing better. I realized last night that I have not made much progress in the grieving or healing department....
I can blame it on how busy we have been for the year and how much has changed, but I know that it's really because I just don't want to accept that he isn't here anymore. It seems too hard. I have been hoping that picturing him and Mema together in Heaven would help me, but it honestly has not helped much. Sometimes, I feel selfish...
I still want to call him and hear his big roar of a laugh, listen to his kind, honest and gentle words of wisdom, curl up in his lap and look for satellites cruising through the Big West Texas Sky. I still want to drive down the dirt road that leads to the farm, full of anticipation to see them both...
It's just hard- guess I need more time.
I have been so very blessed to have had grandparents like Mema & Big John. They didn't tell you how to live your life, they simply lived theirs and let you watch them do it. Their home was established with love, patience, guidance and faith in God. They passed down their values and morals not only to their children, but to their grandchildren as well.
I try very hard to let God be my compass every day. I depend on him to guide me through the days, weeks, months and years of my life. But my compass does not consist of only God, it consits of my family as well. Mema and Big John were a huge part of my compass. It's very hard to not have them here, tangible to me. I do believe that their spirits have moved on and that they are in Heaven, watching over all of us and guiding us in their own special ways... I can still feel their love and strength.
I had hoped, that with time, this very thought would bring me comfort. I am just not feeling it today...guess I need more time.
I know it will get easier.
My last thoughts are this;
They may not be tangible to me here on earth, but they are in my heart, thoughts and memories. They are still a huge part of my compass.
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1
I can blame it on how busy we have been for the year and how much has changed, but I know that it's really because I just don't want to accept that he isn't here anymore. It seems too hard. I have been hoping that picturing him and Mema together in Heaven would help me, but it honestly has not helped much. Sometimes, I feel selfish...
I still want to call him and hear his big roar of a laugh, listen to his kind, honest and gentle words of wisdom, curl up in his lap and look for satellites cruising through the Big West Texas Sky. I still want to drive down the dirt road that leads to the farm, full of anticipation to see them both...
It's just hard- guess I need more time.
I have been so very blessed to have had grandparents like Mema & Big John. They didn't tell you how to live your life, they simply lived theirs and let you watch them do it. Their home was established with love, patience, guidance and faith in God. They passed down their values and morals not only to their children, but to their grandchildren as well.
I try very hard to let God be my compass every day. I depend on him to guide me through the days, weeks, months and years of my life. But my compass does not consist of only God, it consits of my family as well. Mema and Big John were a huge part of my compass. It's very hard to not have them here, tangible to me. I do believe that their spirits have moved on and that they are in Heaven, watching over all of us and guiding us in their own special ways... I can still feel their love and strength.
I had hoped, that with time, this very thought would bring me comfort. I am just not feeling it today...guess I need more time.
I know it will get easier.
My last thoughts are this;
They may not be tangible to me here on earth, but they are in my heart, thoughts and memories. They are still a huge part of my compass.
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1
posted by Pat and Laura Potter at
9:15 AM
4 Comments:
big hug....
I wasn't sure of the day, but knew the anniversary was this week. Jeff and I were talking just this past weekend about how it still does seem real to him sometimes. I know that it has been 13 weeks yesterday since I lost my dad (not that I'm counting). I also have just about decided that it doesn't really get easier with time...just different. I will say a prayer for you and all of the others affected by the passing of those so dear to us. Together we can all find ways to keep their spirits with us and their legacy living on....
I know....I went out early sunday morning to put his father's day flowers out - a big bunch of sunflowers - they just seemed to fit. Bev and I went out yesterday afternoon - she is struggling this week also. The overall's he wore the day he passed away are still hanging by my bed. I have never moved them. I can still smell him when I pass by....what great parents they were. Precious memories, how they ever flood my soul.....
I am just getting to your post. WOW!, my eyes fill with tears as I read this. I still have both sets of my grandparents, and Mema and Big John were such a big part of my life, they remind me so much of one set of my grandparents. When I think of them, I know eventually I will be having to say goodbye to mine.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home